last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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