Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
