peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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