my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize