dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
