You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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