She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
