So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
