I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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