It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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