A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
