I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Randomize
