just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
