there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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