I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
