It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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