i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
