You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
