...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
