Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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