You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
