why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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