I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
