when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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