Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
