It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
