Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
