If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
They have beer where we have blood.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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