Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
