He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
