I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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