if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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