You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
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also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
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I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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