P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
