Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
the condom got lost in my hair
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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