When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
