went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
