On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
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Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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