i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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