i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
She even gives head with a lisp.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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