i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
