somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
