Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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