Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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