if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
