you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
