i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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