oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
