it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
