My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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