why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
