My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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