I looked at my own cervix.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny