Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
