she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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