I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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