Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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