I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
