Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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