Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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