i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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