By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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