Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
